The Negotiation: Part 1

Okay, going to take another kick at the can with this one. See, guys always have so many questions as to why women seem to be so angry at men for whatever reason. We never can seem to comprehend their animosity about us and our contributions to marriage and society. What is patriarchy, why do they think our fore fathers have oppressed them when men in those days where hardly living high off the hog themselves.

What gives?

I had tried to illuminate my own theory of the matter but it may have been too long (I’m also a blogging noob which doesn’t help matters) and not quite clear enough. I will try once more to show where I think women are coming from, why they are so frustrated, and I will even supply an example some guys may be able to relate too in order to possible shed light on where women are coming from and why they may feel the way they do. Understand that we as men don't fathom the resulting pressure that women undergo due to gender dynamics. We understand that men and women differ in their wants, motivations, and ultimate desires, but I highly doubt either gender follows these ideas to either their logical conclusion, or perhaps even their logical inception.

What we need to examine are the dynamics, which are created between the genders and the accompanying pressures that result, which are unique to each sex. If you consider it, women don't have much choice or control over their lives as opposed to men. In fact, because men have much more choice and control over their lives this frustrates women to no end. Understand, when I state women's issues with male privilege and therefore male power, we’re not talking about institutional power for men. Yes as commenter stated, the average man doesn't have institutional power, which is what confuses us at times.

No, we need to look at thinks from a different perspective.

First; equality, why do women seek it out? What is equality? Is it not two groups who meet and can exchange things fairly without any member from either side having an advantage over the other? Sounds fairly reasonable no? We’ve all been on the short end of the stick in many situations over the years, and there isn’t one person who will state that it doesn’t suck @$$.

 

How does this relate to men and women? Okay let's start with a round table with men at one side, and women at the other. See both parties are discussing a deal, an exchange of their assets so a mutually beneficial conclusion can be sought. When I speak about an 'arrangement', I simply mean that both parties are pursuing their own interests in regards to the proposition both desire. In other words; these two parties may not be seeking exactly the same thing. Consider an auction or real estate for example. Two parties seek a transaction, but the goals of both couldn’t be any more different. One party is seeking the highest dollar they can, while the other is seeking the lowest. Diametrically opposed objectives are present during this negotiation even though we’re still talking about real estate. Now, if all things where equal for both parties, then neither side would have the upper hand, right?

This is the situation at hand; we know that there are outside aspects to life, which tend to affect these negotiations and sometimes give advantages of disadvantages to either side depending on the situation. If the seller has already purchased a house and is desperate to unload the current one, he has less room to negotiate the selling price up. Also, if a buyer has already sold their current home and must find another house for their family before closing, they too have external pressure in being more accepting of a higher price then they would like. Essentially, a persons choice and control over a the negotiations can sometimes be heavily affected by external factors which are outside of their control and therefore they must deal with them accordingly.

What does this have to do with men and women?

As said before, this arrangement starts off with an exchange of assets, what each gender wants and desires in the other, and what they are willing to trade for them. Seems pretty equal at this point, right? However, it's the characteristics of these assets, which give men their leverage while putting women behind the 8 ball which is the source of their consternation. What we must understand everyone is that when women state they want 'equality' they really mean that they aren't at a disadvantage to men in trying to achieve what it is they most desire. Over the next week I will post my take on the situation as to why women are so upset about sexual dynamics, and why they do not have equality while they negotiate for what it is they seek.

Omnipitron

The Gamble

Nothing in this world is guaranteed, nothing. Whether it be reaching old age healthy (or reaching it at all) to even crossing the street without ending up street pizza, no one simply knows until after the goal has been achieved successfully. Now of course one can analyze all the contributing factors to their success in retrospect so they can enlighten others wishing to follow in their footsteps. Yet even after they've dispensed wisdom most deem foolproof, these successful achievers still can't grant guarantees with 100% certainty. Essentially undergoing a task, it's essentially a gamble that the outcome will be reached successfully.

Why you ask?

Due to the fact that there exist too many contributing factors which can affect the desired outcome positively or negatively and these factors differ for each individual. This is why Medicine uses so much probability in dealing with disease. They will state that 90% of men who died of lung cancer where smokers, they can also say that there is a good chance that you as a smoker could develop lung cancer, but without looking at tests of your lungs and watching the results over time, they can’t look at you and say you WILL die of cancer because you smoke. One has to consider other mitigating factors such as genetic history, your current physical health, your diet, your current rate of smoking, and even where you work.

        

All these factors work to skew the odds positively or negatively so every case may have to be handled differently, and as a result outliers exist. Consider tennis for example, a sport with quite a bit of emphasis on cardiovascular fitness. Most can’t play tennis regularly or on an elite level without having a decent level of cardiovascular development. However, Arthur Ashe still had heart issues despite his elite level conditioning. Now compare him to George Burns, the man wasn’t an athlete by any stretch of the imagination and lived to be 100 smoking stogies fairly often.

What’s the deal?

Obviously both Arther and George had some other mitigating factors which affected their unique outcomes right? Outliers they both where on different sides of the spectrum. So, where does that leave us? If nothing in this life is guaranteed then why care about the future at all? Why put any sort of positive investment in our potential interests if all were are really doing is merely gambling and hoping that our desired outcomes comes to pass? Well, the reason can be summed up in a great post Grerp made. Sure we may not be able to guarantee our desired outcome, but we can hedge our bets to increase the odds in our favor. If you want to lose weight, then of course if you start and maintain a workout program, that will increase your odds of success. In addition, you also now cut out fast food, that will increase your odds even further. If you get a workout partner whether your spouse or a close friend, this will increase your odds still further. What I’m saying is that the more you engage activities and behaviors which support your intended goal, you increase the odds of its achievement.

Hardly rocket science, but it also applies to the behaviors of other people and how they react to us. Let's put it like this.

As I grew up, I realized that racism was always going to be around. Just like the song from Avenue Q, everyone’ a little bit racist, and by that I mean every race on this planet. However, my parents made sure that my siblings and I realized that acting a certain way tended to arouse the wrong sort of attention from society and it was better to err on the side of caution and conform. EDIT; I also want to add that my parents let us kids know that yes, slavery was bad in the past, but walking around with a chip on my shoulder for 'whitey' wasn't going to do us any favors in the present or future. The point is simply this; I will never be fully accepted by every single member of other races despite my intent to avoid acting like a 50-Cent wannabe with a chip on my shoulder, BUT I will indeed be accepted more often than if I act like a thug hoodlum right?

Does that make sense?

Let's be honest, a woman can dress modestly, act demurely, and have her wits about her and yet still attract unwanted male attention. However, what sense does it make for a woman to dress and act provocatively amongst men she hardly knows and then get offended by their leering looks? Women don’t ask for attention from lower tier men, but it happens, and all any woman can do is guard against it. Hedge your bets, increase the odds that your desired outcome will be achieved, and/or decrease the odds that an unwanted outcome will occur. That’s how life works which is exactly what Grerp was trying to say. Whether you agree with it or not is irrelevant. Dressing modestly may not guarantee you won't get any unwanted male attention, but is anyone willing to debate that the woman on the top is going to get much more attention than the woman on the bottom? 

Image c/o justlikemolly.com

Doesn't more attention also mean an increase in UN-wanted attention? Isn't that the precise reason why Grerp didn't make a stink about the truck driver but simply stopped wearing a skirt which most likely increased the odds of men leering at her? Arguing that these women should or shouldn't recieve attention for their appearance is like arguing with the sun about the potential for sunburn. We can fill books and ledgers with useless prose on the subject and debate until the cows come home but here’s the point some either miss or ignore, that tonight a 20 year old girl is 'going out' looking like the woman on the top, and men will stare at her so why waste time debating something which cannot be changed?

I wholeheartedly agree with Grerp on her post and her approach. While acting in the manner she described may not work 100% of the time in regards to good men and their resulting reactions, I promise you it will work much more often than acting the opposite.

Omnipitron

No Liz…it’s NOT your exes

Sorry Liz, you didn't need to be honest with your exes as far as your desire for motherhood was concerned; you needed to be honest with yourself. However, as a feminist you made the very same mistake that Kate Bolick made, you didn't take into account the motivations and desires of men and how that would directly affect you. Both you and Kate strictly focused on your own needs that have lead you both to this woeful state.

No of course Liz, you have your illustrious career which I'm sure is very satisfying, but that doesn't translate well into the dating market, now does it? Also willing to bet that all the accolades of said career don’t warm your heart the way a child or a grandchild would now hmm? Sadly, like so many of your sisters you have found out the hard way that your career adds to your marriage value the way macramé adds to a prospective football player’s value with NFL aspirations.

Liz, you figured that men would wait for you, that they would always be there at just a snap of your fingers ready and willing to meet your desires of commitment and family. I mean women are so valuable right, what man wouldn't be lucky to have you...no? You and Kate Bolick are very similar in a way; did you ever learn about compromise? That you needed to compliment a prospective husband or that marriage is about cooperation? Let me guess, your independence was too strong, your feminist values clashed with your strong biological imperative for procreation and you where in turmoil as to what road you should choose.
Obviously you figured that you where the cat's @$$ which is why it never troubled you to air your husband's dirty laundry to the world.
Hey, he was undoubtedly lucky to have you and would NEVER leave right...right? Then again…don’t women wish to have a man they can look up to in the first place? Isn’t the best time to find a man like that when you are…oh…never mind.

Sigh.

These are the truths that you didn't consider Liz, that men and women are different, driven by differing needs and wants. That nature is by far stronger than nurture or ‘social construct’ which is why at one point in time you where planning like a thief to achieve the very thing women where built to do by and large.

Women who embrace who and what they are do not have to skulk around in the night stealing sperm…jus sayin’.

By subscribing to a faulty paradigm, you sacrificed your dream of motherhood for membership to a flawed movement. In all honesty, I don't find your situation funny, (possibly because I've never met you nor am I familiar with your feminist blathering) I do, however find it sad.

Your idealism didn’t match up with reality, but who could have steered you toward the truth? Would you have listened?  Will feminism fill the void of motherhood that you so desperately wanted but so completely took for granted from this point on...I highly doubt it, but hey you never know.

I simply pray more women learn from the finality of your situation and don't let the same fate befall them. Honestly, women need a wholesale abandonment of feminism but sadly, I bet money that most will simply dismiss you and your plight as an urban legend, something which could never, ever happen to them.

Omnipitron

The Canary In the Coal Mine;

Not sure how many have heard that term before, many may not know where it originated from. See, Canaries where used as an early warning in the early low-tech days of Coal Mining. Since Canaries sing quite a bit of the time and are more sensitive to toxic gases, when the Canary stopped singing, it was time for the miners to high tail it outta there before the deadly and invisible fumes killed them too. A passage from Wikipedia also has another ominous meaning to it as follows;

“Hence, the phrase "canary in a coal mine" is frequently used to refer to a person or thing which serves as an early warning of a coming crisis.”

It has been said many times on the manosphere that the Black community is this self same canary for other races as we spelunk this coalmine called Feminism. However, our female counterparts seem oblivious to the toxic gases which fill their lungs as they bray on and on about fishes, bicycles, and empowerment.

 

Adonis linked me these two videos by Rick Scorpio which highlight the current issues between contemporary Black men and women and the negative consequences women now face due to their prior choices. No lie, these two videos literally gave me chills as I watched them because everything save the Katrina experience I've personally witnessed in my own life. For the record, I don't live in an American ghetto, I grew up in a relatively safe Canadian Suburb 45 minutes West of Toronto yet I still bore witness to the plague which has befallen Western Society regardless.

Listen gang, it's one thing to read about the stats and reports about the situation, it's another to see it first hand. This is just me, but the reality on the ground has always had more of an effect than statistics alone. When the stats bolster the ROG, then it hits like a freight train. My younger bro and I where the 'nice Blacks' in high school and neither of us could catch a black girl to save our lives. We were invisible, obviously not 'thug' enough so not worth any attention. My older sister was actually accosted once and accused of being ‘white washed’, which was a more up to date version of being an ‘Uncle Tom’. My sister asked why.

I wish I was making this up.

She was accused of being a ‘sellout’ because…she regularly went to class.

Sigh.

My older sis was another story altogether. She hooked up with some Black girls in the senior grades who where exactly like the typical Black girls Rick Scorpio talked about. Uppity, entitled, and constantly harping about how bad Black men where and how they needed to ‘man up and treat them better’. My sis wasn't like them, but their attitudes (and resulting relationship status) weren't lost on her either.

Those two girls where single throughout most of high school, no surprise there.

Scorpio is also bang on with the former cock carousel riders and the latent desire for 'nice guys' well after the fact, been there and done that personally. Had a comment thrown at me from a group of upset Black women years ago when I was dating Ex#1 for obvious reasons. I just shook my head at the irony. Ex#1 had heard it, I hadn't but at the time I wondered what the deal was? Black girls didn't and wouldn't give my bro or I the time of day just a few years prior, yet got upset that I started dating the women who actually paid me attention.

The situation would be funny if people weren’t actually suffering.

As for finding God well after it’s ‘too late’, yeah, seen that too. I have many relatives who are single and immerse themselves in the church now and their lives mirror exactly what Scorpio has stated. I've one Aunt who had three illegitimate children way back in the 60's (yeah I know, holy @#$%). I've been told that even at such an early time that there was still a guy who wanted her despite her situation and pursued her regardless.

Yet, (sadly) she was unmoved, she found another 'thug' and had child number four...and this White Knight had enough and finally bounced.

She's been single ever since…and is the most devout Christian I've ever met. It get’s worse, the fruit doesn't fall far from the tree and unfortunately two of her daughters met not so great dudes who later split. They too are single, one on her way to becoming a bishop. You know, I’m not saying this to bag on my family, I’m telling you this because of one thing and one thing alone, the world doesn’t care who we are, it doesn’t care what our desires are or what we’ve done. The world just does what it always does and we can either accept it and try to make things better, or we can ignore it and take our chances. I’m very upset that many in my family had such a hard go, but their choices undoubtedly influenced their outcome.

Early thug chasing leads to late 'good' men yearning, I've seen it so often it no longer even shocks me anymore. The negative effect of rejecting men as fathers simply compounds the problem and now we have a situation where thugs are produced en masse while good men become more and more rare. So what do Black women have to show for it after all these years of making Enemies out of true future partners? While Black men are arrested and jailed in increasing numbers, Black women wail and scream about the lack of good men available to them. Rick Scorpio is right on the money when he states that after years of being told us Black men aren't necessary, we finally bounced to ‘greener pastures’.

Did it not occur to anyone that a Black man marrying interracial is in reality going his own way? How is a Black man marrying a White woman and different than a White man getting a mail order bride?


Well Black ladies, you got what you wanted, are you now stating it wasn't what you desired after all? Heck, Black men lamenting the state of relations between them and Black women is hardly a new thing, Obsidian has been on about this for years, as have others. Those if you want black men to change, give them reason too. To expect them to ignore the thug life and embrace responsibility while Black women remain critical and abrasive is expecting something for nothing.

Nothing in this life is free, nothing.

It was that exact attitude which drove Black men away from you ladies in the first place; more of it won't bring them back. To the Black ladies, learn from the mistakes of your older sisters and mothers. Black men are the sellers of commitment to Black women and denigrating them isn't getting you anywhere. You have some responsibility in this mess, own it and learn from it.

To White western women, take a good, long look. What you're seeing is actually the Canary in the Mineshaft of your very own situation in the future. Blacks are merely a few decades ahead of you in terms of future regression. Sure, some of you are full of hubris thinking that you're immune and that it won't happen to you or that men are just trying to scare you. Just one thing to say about that...

Black women thought the same exact thing...where are THEY now?

Omnipitron

Wanna Be a FemWay Distributor?

Yawn, all this talk about men manning up and taking responsibility would be funny if not for the dire situation society faces currently. The funny thing about it is that the Powers that be either don’t see the truth for what it is or they don’t want to. Either way gang, if you would like to know what all your “Man Up” tripe means to the contemporary man, we need to look no further than MLM’s for an example.

See, when people initially enroll after buying the song and dance about part time financial freedom, they are fired up and some will plunge headlong into the world of network marketing. The upline tells them to buy their books and tapes, (which coincidentally the upline has a ready supply to sell) which the new recruit eats up with both hands. They are told to attend all functions their Line Of Affiliation ever throws and this recruit empties their pockets to get the job done. They are told to buy their products, and expose the business and the recruit does whatever personal growing which has to be done in order to meet new people and show them the sales and marketing plan.

The one thing these recruits are focused on is the initial song and dance which sold them in the beginning; 7-10 hours a week of exposing this business and in 2 – 5 years they will be financially free.

During their tenure of showing this plan, the distributors who where actively exposing the program (mainly men) are regaled as heroes to be followed and respected while the men who aren’t are derided as ‘not being men’, sound familiar? Trust me, my parents and I have been bitten by the MLM bug in the past and I’ve personally seen men have no choice but to cheer when someone on stage states how they personally have courage and aren’t a mealy mouthed, scared little MALE (not man mind you) and has the dream to build the business.

Awesome, nothing like cheering someone on for insulting you!!

Our independent distributor feels good that he can be counted as a man and that insulting diatribes like the one I gave reference too do not include him, however, there is trouble in paradise. Eventually what is promised at functions and meetings doesn’t seem to match up to the reality on the ground. The recruit ponders why his prospects are so negative about the MLM he’s exposing to them. It seems that either people have either been enrolled in the past and had a negative experience with it, or they have a friend, or family member who did. Online, these MLM’s get nothing but slagged as the negative opinions out weighs the positive by a factor of 10:1.

What gives, why so much hate?

Our distributor has been told that most businesses may not make any money in the first two years of operation, but this business is supposed to be a 2 – 5 year plan. The distributor looks around and sees many other comrades following the rules, reading books, listening to tapes, meeting people, buying products, and attending functions and have been doing so for years and they are virtually no better off since when they started. The distributor tries to justify this as simply the fact that the team he’s enrolled with as being ‘slow to start’ and in time things will pick up but he sees the same situation when they attend larger functions. The same faces still being the same level function after function even though they are out showing the plan. Even more aggravating, he’s actually part of a Line Of Affiliation, which is one of the fastest growing in the business.  He also has a nagging suspicion that the financially free distributors, which everyone loves and respects achieved that level many years ago when the perception of the business wasn’t so negative. The amount of new distributors who actually achieve financial freedom seems to be in serious decline and the few brand new ones who make it happen didn’t accomplish the task in 2 – 5 years, more like 10+.

There’s something rotten in Denmark.

The doubts keep coming and now our distributor looks at his finances and realizes they are an absolute mess. He was able to ignore them in the interim when he figured that the money was eventually coming, but now that financial freedom is in doubt, he’s now much more critical about his future cash flow. So, our hero talks to his upline about his concerns with the business, he wants to know what he can do in order to become successful. What does his upline state; that the issue isn’t the business, it’s obviously something that he isn’t doing right at the moment. That the negative he reads online is simply the opinion of losers who have lost their dream and he needs to ignore them. That the answer is getting into (read: buying) MORE tapes and books, spending MORE time with the team, and showing the business to MORE prospects.

Our distributor isn’t quite sure what to do with this situation but since he has face time with his upline, he won’t waste it. He then asks about his current financial situation, and is told that he needs to eliminate all negative aspects in his life which is consuming his hard earned finances and funnel it all into his business. “Do you think ‘Insert name of financially free distributor here’ worries about paying his bills now?”

What do you think our distributor thinks of this advice?

It becomes crystal clear to our hero that his financial well-being is of no concern to his upline and that the stories of ‘loser’ former distributors who lost everything they had may not be so unfounded after all. At the end of the day another MLM critic has just been born and our hero tapers off from the business in the coming months until he finally fails to renew later that year. All the talk of manning up, keeping your dream and never giving up tasting like bile as he, among many others, finally realize that many of his still faithful comrades will never achieve the reward they sacrifice for and will rue the day when they recognize just what they gave up for fool’s gold. They don’t really care about you, only the money they can make off of you and sadly, your upline which you thought you could trust with your life doesn’t even care if you give up your home, or your marriage ends, so long as you can buy one more book, tape, or attend yet another function. Once more, as time goes on critics begin to realize that most of these large pins knew full well that your chances of being successful where very small, but that didn’t stop them from charging exorbitant prices for their learning materials and functions. As time goes on, many critics become enraged as they realize the level to which they where taken for a ride.

That will get your dander up, no?

As an FYI, one of the biggest and baddest MLM’s is seeing growth slowing in North America, which means the rate in which they can enroll new distributors against attrition of old ones is beginning to change for the worse. Large ‘pins’ are selling their homes and some are even going backwards in terms of their achieved levels. The reason behind this is exactly what I’ve laid out here, and many new people want nothing to do with a shady business, which takes your money and gives nothing in return.

This is the exact approach people like Kay Hymowitz are taking as they attempt to shame men into ‘manning up’ and ‘taking action’ despite the real and obvious consequences facing men. The reality on the ground isn’t matching up to the 'sales and marketing plan' they espouse and men are recognizing the definite consequences for taking action. So long as these people continue this foolish approach, the more men they will actually alienate.

Men no longer want to sign up, so what are you going to do about it?

Edit; there could be a chance that some people may want to come here and attack simply due to my links to a certain business. Just to preempt;

1) This blogsite isn't a platform against Network Marketing, there are many more educated and thorough sites out there, I'm merely using it as an example to prove a point. This blog will not entertain MLM arguments, jus sayin.

2) I don't give two whoops in Hades about your failed business model which has yet after 50+  years to show that it actually works in the aggregate and not some scam which bilks the many for the benefit of the few.

 Omnipitron.

Welcome to the Terrordome!

Incentive, such a basic concept is so lost on contemporary society that it’s almost maddening. Okay, in my previous post on reward and punishment I went over the basics on this topic. Yet here we have yet another example in regards to the how skewed the paradigm has become as of late. A white knight is who actually acted out of turn is being regaled as a hero, while the 'villain' (who may not be a hero let’s be honest) is treated with extreme prejudice.

Sigh.

No matter how much men may complain about it, the powers that be don’t seem to get what’s actually going down, or more than likely they don’t want to see the reality on the ground. The behavior that they want to see increased like men becoming responsible and contributing to society is actually being punished, while men are seeing ‘kidults’ ‘players’ and ‘PUA’ being rewarded at virtually every turn. Good women are hard to find in this day and age, why one may ask? Due to the fact that being a faithful wife will actually grant a woman scorn and the adulation's for being a ‘slut’, an empowered womyn and a single mother are ubiquitous.

In my past days of being a believer I can remember my mother stating to me many a time, “Good will become bad…bad will become good.” in the future. Well, this is the paradigm we are living in during this day and age and just looking out the window one can readily see the results.

Until we change this warped reward/benefit structure for our young, expecting things to improve is simply a fools errand. The men and women of the past had incentives to behave the way they did, which is why our forefathers and mothers acted in accordance to morality. Our contemporaries also have incentives to act the way they do, which is what we are seeing today. Until this situation changes…there is nothing else to wonder about.We will simply see more PUA, more players, more sluts and less upstanding men and women.

Welcome to the Terrordome.

Omnipitron.

Who Am I?

I read this comment on The Spearhead which of course got to me.

Taqman 

If the MRM does become more prominent I expect some fairly broad satirisation of the men’s rights movement in a way feminism never was.

It already is being done so wherever MRM is mentioned on the Internet.
We are all being characterized as bitter loosers who are all 40 year old virgins who live in thier mom’s basement and can’t get a woman.

Right and sadly I believe Taqman is right on the money with his comment. Allow me to tell you ladies who I am. I’m a 36 year old, happily married black man with two stepchildren living in Canada. I have a full time job and pay my own mortgage living 30 minutes away from my parents. In fact it’s been my full time job, which has played a part in keeping me away from blogging in the last little while. I have had dates in the past, and to be honest, I still turn down female advances even now after all these years.

However, I’m vehemently against feminism and I find it highly destructive. Men’s Rights are a very serious issue, and you would do well not to dismiss it. More importantly, there is a growing number of Men's Rights Agitators who are married and still stating the same things as the men on The Spearhead.

The last thing you want are happily married men to warn other men NOT to get married, seriously.

You can take this information anyway you want to take it, I really don’t care, because as you dismiss me as a liar, I will continue on with my married life, recording my stepson’s football games when I get off work earlier enough, and talk to my step daughter about boys. I will simply smile as more and more women look at me and ask where the others like me are hiding. It isn’t politically correct to tell you the truth; one may take it the wrong way don’tcha know?

Whatever makes you feel better.

Omnipitron