Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Rage Against the Machine

Just read this post from Grerp and to be honest, I think she really does have a good point in terms of the Manosphere as of late. It can be said that the attitude men display (and yours truly has been guilty of this as well) has been ramping up as of late and possibly taken a path not unlike that of our Feminist detractors. It has been said many a time that the Manosphere is it’s own worst enemy, scaring off potential supporters by extreme hyperbole and simple hatred of women.

Men need all the assistance, which is available at this time; there really is no such thing as a surplus support as far as Men’s Rights goes.

However, why such caustic positions from men? Why all the nihilism and exaggeration of the MGTOW position when seeking out MRA websites and blogs? In fact on this article on The Spearhead, some commenters took a female article writer to task. The article was good and was actually illuminating on how women can be abusive behind closed doors. I didn’t agree with the positions of many of the commenters there but one named GT66 really got my attention and summed up my thoughts exactly on why many NAM are so aggressive as of late. He was commenting in regards to the anti women sentiment the author who went by Izzey was receiving from the Spearhead regulars.

 "You wanted to hate me.”

“That is woman talk. Not trusting you is NOT hating you. Who the hell here even knows you to hate you. However, it is the height of arrogance to think you can walk into the midst of this crowd and think they’ll gather to you with hands and hearts held out. Why the immediacy of your need get validation from this group of castaways anyway? I don’t get it and that and your gender, is at the core of my distrust.

Do you really not get what is happening here? Your comments esp the ones about hate and enemies lead me to believe that you are grossly ignorant of what sites like this are to some men. This and a few other sites are the equivalent of battered men’s shelters that don’t exist in the brick and mortar world. Do you really not understand that you are as comforting to a man here as a man would be to a woman in a battered women’s shelter? No one trusts you because we can’t trust you and for many, we don’t want to trust you at least not right now. Do you really not see that? Do you maybe now understand the response? Can you accept that hate has nothing to do with it and trust and pain everything? Can you understand that after the last forty years, the last thing a man needs to hear from a woman is “I know how it is?”
Do your volunteer work. Be motivated by whatever motivates you. If you really do care and really do sympathize with men then that’s all that’s necessary. And right now, that’s maybe all that many men are prepared to tolerate from a woman regardless of her well meaning. But honestly, drop the hate thing. It’s not true, and it puts you and us in the same female victim vs. big bad male roles that feminists have been hammering both genders into for so, so long now. That, obviously, does little to build the trust you want us to have in you.”

Spot on GT66, men aren’t going to say it but the truth is that NAM are one thing and one thing above all else.

They are hurting.

Man are in pain right now because they are being treated like slaves and they know it. They are being treated with no more reverence or respect than an object to be used and possibly discarded when exhausted. Furthermore, they are surprised when the arena they where told existed to air their concerns due to the ‘equality’ women fight for so much is nothing but a paper tiger used as means to brow beat them back into submission while the issue which brought them to this point initially is not only unsolved, but possibly aggravated.

Men are reacting, their reason, their rationale and their logic has been torn to shreds and is slowly but surely being replaced with anger.  Is it right? Absolutely not and I will be the first person to say it. However, the main thing is what to do now? As a black man in North America, I know full well about getting your back up and protecting yourself because you know that you are ‘the little fish in a big pond’ and you have a target on your back from others. However, the one thing which I get more convinced of every day is that White Men in Western Countries are now facing this very same situation as they realize that the people who say they are on their side are the very same ones who have a knife poised at your back.

Like I had stated in my last post, this is only self preservation, it isn’t right, it isn’t moral, and it isn’t politically correct and in some cases, I really don’t agree with it, but how long can you kick a dog before it tries to rip your foot off? No matter what, that dog is finally going to register that you aren't a friend but an enemy and now it will have to defend itself AGAINST you, it isn’t a matter of IF it will happen, but WHEN will it happen and we are starting to see the slow boil which feminism has been creating in men start to reach a critical point. What some of us fail to realize is that men are getting attacked every single day, their masculinity is denigrated, their innovations and contributions undermined and ignored, and their motivations investigated for foul play before they even open their mouths. Every day men are facing affronts to their existence and before the old wounds can even heal, new wounds are opened up and exacerbated.

Hey, some men have what most men would die for, a family, which loves and cares for them and doesn’t act as if he is a walking ATM machine, but some don’t. What I mean by my last statement is more than just words on an electric page, I mean take a look at your family, the kids you love, your wife who you adore and met so many years ago and then imagine them being ripped away from your life and having a court justice stand over you, belting out a sentence that you may only be able to afford if you reduce your sleeping patterns drastically and then wonder how you would you feel then?

It’s so easy to think that other men just need to ‘man up’ when you have your family with you and they kiss you good night and say “I love you Daddy” before they disappear up the stairs, knowing full well that you will see them tomorrow morning. What would happen if you where reduced to a room in a house and most of your paycheque went to those same kids and you never heard their voices except for an hour every night on the phone? How acceptable would you be if on your children's birthdays or your wedding anniversary instead of blowing out candles and seeing the smiling faces of your family you are instead looking at the same 4 walls you looked at the night before and watching the lions share of your money going to someone you would love to even see, but your not allowed at the moment by court order? How reasonable do you think you'd be then?

This is reality for some men, not me as I have no kids, but many men face this every day and other single men see it and want no part of that sort of pain. I wouldn't wish this sort of thing on any man, not even my worst enemy.

This is the Gordian Knot that the Manosphere faces, men are P!SSED at what’s currently happening, and p!ssed that simply telling women what the deal is a fools errand. While some of the attitudes which are displayed on the manoshere are actually counter productive, the reality is that I simply cannot blame men for reacting the way they currently do. They tried the ‘nice’ route for years and got nothing but ‘sand kicked in their faces’ for their trouble. I’d really like to see more reasoned responses in the Manosphere, but I too also can get my knickers in a twist at the best of times so I’m really preaching to the choir at this point.

We don’t want to get to the point where MRA’s are just male versions of feminists, but in order to do so men may have to put aside their hostility for the current regime. In my honest opinion, that will be far easier said than done (if it can even BE done) as the long fuse has already been lit and men’s patience has been worn very thin.


Friday, May 13, 2011

Welcome to the Jungle Part One; Incentive

At the end of the day, we are all animals. Sure us human beings can operate on a higher level due to our reasoning capabilities, but at our cores, our reptilian brains still do hold a lot of sway over our behavior. What I mean is that as any other creature on this planet, there are two main opposing forces, which shape the vast majority of our choices in our lives.

Pleasure and Pain.

All animals attempt to gain pleasure, and avoid pain, as they exist in life. Pretty straightforward so far, right? Sometimes the motivation is solely the acquisition of pleasure, sometimes it’s the avoidance of pain, and on some rare occasions it can be both at the very same time. Now, sometimes things in nature can get a little strange when looking at it from this perspective, I mean, a male Praying Mantis (
Mantis religiosa.) can't copulate until it's head has been forcibly removed. However, the lack of reproducing carries enough pain that it could be fair to surmise the decapitation being worth it...to him, or it I should say.

Now consider having a pet, what does every trainer know about the basics of getting an animal to act in a certain way? They of course use the power of pain and pleasure in order to reinforce certain behaviors they want to see. Using pleasure when their chosen animal exhibits behavior they want repeated, and inflicting pain when the animal exhibits behavior they wish reduced. However, there is also one more aspect we don’t want to miss, they may use indifference when the animal is exhibiting behavior which is neither deemed positive or negative.

In this case, we now have altered pleasure and pain into reward and punishment, and the paradigm of rewarding good behavior and punishing bad behavior has been around since the dawn of time. This same procedure can be easily recognized when looking at any group of people where a hierarchy exists. Parents teach their young using the reward/punishment method, teachers also use this on students whether in school or in other arenas such as martial arts or even apprentices. Coaches of all stripes, the military, even in the office this very basic but very effective methodology is as easy to recognize as sunlight.
Even consider what the police exist to do, we have laws in society, and their role is to enforce those laws by doling out punishment to the people who disobey. That is pain right there, most observe the laws to avoid the pain of loss of freedom or monetary penalties.
So there you have it, pain/pleasure, punishment/reward is a very powerful tool, which can be used to influence behavior. Its effectiveness is ubiquitous from humans to animals and from training the brand new to the maintenance of certain behaviors in society. One also must remember that when this powerful tool is used for good, the results are very positive, when used for what one knows is selfish and for their own gain, this is seen as manipulation.
That is a very key point right there, but that is a topic for another post.
Pain and Pleasure and the self-regulation of society aren’t small factors to disregard.
If one looks at "powerful" civilizations of the past/present, you will notice many familiar patterns within them. You will see that chastity is rewarded amongst their women and leadership and morality are rewarded amongst it's men. Lewdness, lasciviousness, promiscuity, and infidelity is not just treated with indifference by it’s people, but punished, harshly. Not only was learning these skills important and rewarded when young, but the teaching of those same skills was also rewarded when older. Consider the humiliation of the scarlet letter in the past, or even shotgun weddings. What do you think used to happen in ‘the good old days’ when Pa and his sons found out that little Judy got a black eye from her husband? Anyone want to wager that Judy’s brothers and father decided to give her hubby a little impromptu ‘sensitivity lesson’...personally? The ‘law’ of the land was going to be followed and what it made you feel like during these humiliating situations was of no consequence to society.
If you where good, you where made an example of. If you where bad…you where made an example of.

The goal here is self evident, reward positive behaviors and punish negative behaviors in your society in order to self regulate. Yes we are better than animals, we no longer sh!t on the floor and had toilet trained ourselves, but animals we are just the same at our cores and it was important to keep this in mind.

Reward, punishment, pain, pleasure, this is simply called incentive. The main motivator of why anyone, or any animal does anything in life.

As we can see in this society, why it's in decline can be viewed by what sort of behavior is rewarded and punished. This has been repeated ad infinitum on the manosphere, how women’s behavior has changed and how they get rewarded for it so what I want to touch upon right now is men specifically. While I do understand that women have a poor grasp of cause and effect, I still am a little confused by their popular stance in regards to contemporary men. Women lament about the lack of good men but the current punishment/reward system in regards to men is completely @$$ backward.

Currently, most if not all of the positive behaviors which creates a steadfast, ambitious and virtuous young family oriented man is not only given no reward, not even shown indifference, but thoroughly punished, sometimes brutally.

"Nice" guys ground into pulp by the brutal and unforgiving dating market all the while watching all sorts of jack@$$es being rewarded with all sorts of women, time and time again. They fight the urge to ‘turn to the darkside’, but reward and punishment are very powerful motivators. Some drop out of the dating market all together, others leave ‘the Jedi' ranks behind and become ‘Sith’.
We avoid pain, and embrace pleasure.

Innocent men being falsely accused of rape and violence and no one lifting a finger to assist them. In fact, you see many men (and a scant few women) regularly receive punishments for standing up for what's right and trying to remind society of the laws our forefathers put into place.

We avoid pain and embrace pleasure.

We see good husbands imprisoned in bad marriages and treated just like they where lazy ignorant partners. A good portion of the time these men are divorced and ripped to shreds in the family court system. They may not see their kids, or may even be jailed. A good portion of the time they become indentured slaves to their wives who more often than not have left them with no justified reason other than frivolity packaged as her birthright.

We avoid pain and embrace pleasure.

I want to stress something here very important, that there is a very large difference between men being shown simple indifference to "being good and mature" and being punished for it. A man may engage in looking to please women, continuing to woo them even if no positive or negative feedback is received. While men and women get married for primarily different reasons, men would still have decent motivations for marriage and continue to do so.
The prevalence of ‘nice, marriage minded guys’ won't be as high as if it where rewarded of course, but more men will still engage from time to time than currently. However, when punishments are delivered as they are now, just like training an animal or a young child, well the results will be the contemporary society we have around us. "Mature" marriage minded men are on the decrease, while ‘playas’ are on the rise. This is what the current punishment/reward paradigm is producing; expecting anything otherwise is foolhardy and impossible. 
Where did all the 'good' men go? They did what any organism does when faced with a particular dangerous situation. They are protecting themselves; self-preservation is inherent in all living organisms and humans are no different.

Essentially, men engaging in their prior behaviors of marriage and fatherhood carry too much risk, far too much punishment and not nearly enough reward. To take the position a la ‘The Thinking Housewife’ that honor is enough of a reward for men to engage in such risky ventures is to ignore the problem at large. MGTOW isn't simply a catchy slogan; it's the cold and hard truth that only by ignoring women and this society that a man’s own interests may be somewhat protected. So long as these risks are present, so long as the current society rewards negative behaviors in both men and women while punishing the positive ones, then catastrophe is the only thing which will get everyone’s notice. Men now have an incentive to AVOID marriage and cohabitation with women, this doesn’t bode well for women or society and simple foolishness like honor and shaming will not turn the tide of men saying no to the alter. You may of course ask, “Why don’t men tell women what the deal is in regards to current society? Why don’t men tell women that this situation will hurt them too?”
Guess how that approach usually gets ‘rewarded’


Sunday, May 8, 2011

The Cocktail Cougar

Relatively decent night at the bar, made some good tips which always helps out, but something transpired tonight which really had my attention, well mine and many other of my co-workers as well. See as I started my shift, I happened to notice a particular patron sitting in a booth right across from the bar with an acquaintance of mine. Well, notice may not be the right word for this particular situation. See, I’ve worked in bars and nightclubs on and off for the last 15 years. I’ve worked in quite a few different venues including a huge ‘super club’ in Downtown Toronto, and a small college pub in my parent’s city. It doesn’t take much effort to understand the patterns of the club goers which patronize these locations, the behavior displayed, the style of dress, you get the picture. The bar I work at part time is no world-class club in downtown T.O, simply a small bar and grill in a suburb 45 minutes West of the ‘big city’.

Bluntly, this bar is the sort of locale where a woman wearing a red cocktail dress would stick out like a tsunami hitting an island.

Now, I have to give credit where it’s due, this woman pulled off this cocktail dress DAMN well, but after all the years I’ve been in the Industry, one thing came to my mind. Even from my vantage point, it could be easily seen that this woman was…er…mature so logic dictated that she was …er….experienced enough to know what it was she looked like with her ‘get up’ in such a small location. To me this meant one thing; she was screaming for attention and knew that this was a place which increased her chances of being noticed. She was with two other women, one being my acquaintance, and while they too had dressed a little more formal for some particular occasion (I found out later it was a birthday party) they where both horrifically under-dressed compared to their compatriot. Was I correct about this possible attention whore?

Oh wait, there’s more.

As the night wore on, our fearless cougar had happened to snare some very lucky prey. This dude and our heroine had come back to the bar and started to put on a show for everyone to see.  Well, these two started going at it like teenagers in heat, she was clearly happy that someone was paying attention to her, and he was happy that he scored a hottie. I swear it was like watching Wild Kingdom on television they way they went at it, all we needed was the British voice over and we would have been set!! During a discussion with one of our bouncers during the live action documentary, some illuminating facts came to my attention. Turns out that this woman was carded when she arrived with her two other female friends and had taken it as a compliment. She was 34 (surprise, surprise) and was at least 9 years older than her compatriots.
However, here is where the proof comes to light. She had been hitting on one of our bouncers  before she found her ‘Mr. Right Now’ and started to play “Pin the Tail on my tonsils” like it was December 31 2012. Gotta wonder how many others would have had a chance before the bait was taken?

Seriously? Yeah, seriously.

C’mon, I can understand a woman putting a man through his paces in order to make sure that he is worthy and all that. I mean, I can fully fathom that making the wrong choice in a man can have some pretty heavy consequences for her, but when a woman approaches the SMP (Sexual Market Place) like it's an auction and she's the prize (the one who pays attention to me WINS) what the hell does that say about her? She just meets this guy and engages in hardcore PDA’s that even make women sick for crying out loud? No word of a lie, there was actually a point when her and Mr. RN are in a booth, getting ‘reacquainted’ and one of our bouncers had to tell them to turn it down a notch.

Did I neglect to mention that she just met this guy tonight?

I personally cannot see any self-respecting couple, man or woman, allowing this sort of behavior to continue. Many dudes I know would call it a night and take their ladies home if she refused to stop being so ‘friendly’ and many women I know would possibly start slapping some cheeks for getting fresh. Many of us just stood there and watched the tableau unfold, it was like watching a car crash, gruesome and stomach turning, but you couldn’t turn away.

She had actually gotten involved in a security situation as the night wound down. However, she wasn’t actually fighting, she was trying to defuse the situation by calmly telling an angry patron to relax as the consequences where fairly serious if he continued. I’m not really used to that sort of thing from women, I can understand a woman calming down only her significant other, but a random guy with bouncers around? Maybe this was simply another way for her to get attention from other guys? Who knows?

At any rate, I don’t know her back-story and in reality I really don’t want to know. I doubt she has kids; most divorced single mothers can’t pull off dresses such as that even if they live in the gym but there are always exceptions. Now I’m going to take off my @$$hole hat for a moment. The thing which bothered me about her behavior the most was how desperate she came off. One dude pays her a little attention and she’s all over him like flies on sh!t? What sort of guy is okay with meeting a girl like that? What are the chances that he will stick around for the long haul? How many decent guys (that are left at that age and are willing to marry) would accept her behavior? If she is all over the first guy to 'win the auction' so to speak what does it say about her Marriage Market Value as Brendan calls it? What does that say about her standards for herself and any guy she meets if she is going to use her looks (which where considerable considering her...er…maturity) to meet men?

Do yourself a favor ladies, take stock of yourself and learn what it is you're worth. While it was humorous to see this woman failing so badly in this endeavor, it was also somewhat sad. It was pretty clear that she was using her looks as the sole means of establishing her value, which means that over time she will feel powerless as her ‘value’ fades.

Don’t let this be you, the world will only laugh at you as you crash and burn. And for the fellas, read up on the manosphere, learn game, and if you are going to go down that path with the cocktail cougar, double glove that sh!t, alright?