I saw this comment from Peter Andrew Nolan on the Spearhead and it really got me thinking.
First off, Peter is one hell of a man and it pains me to think that a dude like that has been ripped off in this sham people refer to as the Family Courts in the West. His comment also took me back to my own younger days with my Ex. She had three kids and I was naive enough to stay with her, you know, ‘love would be enough’. While it did end badly just a few years later, I'd be lying if I said there weren’t many good times with all of them.
I was with my ex for just under 4 years and her three kids where 10, 12, and 14 at the time we split, so I was there for some key formative years apparently. When things where good, they where absolutely awesome and I can honestly say that before I met my wife, the happiest day in my life was playing with those three kids in the park with my ex smiling and watching the whole time.
First off, Peter is one hell of a man and it pains me to think that a dude like that has been ripped off in this sham people refer to as the Family Courts in the West. His comment also took me back to my own younger days with my Ex. She had three kids and I was naive enough to stay with her, you know, ‘love would be enough’. While it did end badly just a few years later, I'd be lying if I said there weren’t many good times with all of them.
I was with my ex for just under 4 years and her three kids where 10, 12, and 14 at the time we split, so I was there for some key formative years apparently. When things where good, they where absolutely awesome and I can honestly say that before I met my wife, the happiest day in my life was playing with those three kids in the park with my ex smiling and watching the whole time.
I felt like I had it made, at the time anyway.
As time progressed and the kids got older, it started to really dawn on me just how important a role I may have played as the only father figure in their lives. Keyster made a comment on the Spearhead which stated that fathers are a stabilizing force on families, I can vouch that there is some truth to this.
Those kids ran my ex before I showed up, when I arrived on the scene (and took some time before asserting myself) then there was at least one other authority figure to assist in shouldering the burden of discipline. Heck, I'm not amazing, but kids will wear you down to get their way. Kids’ aren’t evil, far from it, they're just kids and they can smell your weakness in terms of giving in to their desires. They don’t know that what they are doing is rude, they just want to get that gift, play outside, play Xbox and if they feel you will relent, they will simply up the pace sensing victory.
It wasn’t just discipline which made me realize that my being there had an effect on them.
I can remember one particular choir performance that my ex's eldest, M, performed at one day. I dressed up, 2-piece suit and all, plus I made sure to tell him why. “I was representing him at that Choir or any school function and I had to let them know where it was he came from!” My ex and I told him. I was sick and tired of all the Black people who seemed to be so absent with their kid’s lives and didn't seem to give a rat's @$$!! They weren’t mine but like h&ll I was going to let this chance drop. As the performance started, I noticed that M seemed to be feeling a little nervous and he looked over at his mom and I. He looked me dead in the eye as I smiled at him, and that seemed to settle him down.
I never forgot that.
I can remember when my ex's daughter, T, returned from vacation in Jamaica and ran down the gangway and jumped into my arms before anyone else.
I never forgot that either.
I can remember one particular choir performance that my ex's eldest, M, performed at one day. I dressed up, 2-piece suit and all, plus I made sure to tell him why. “I was representing him at that Choir or any school function and I had to let them know where it was he came from!” My ex and I told him. I was sick and tired of all the Black people who seemed to be so absent with their kid’s lives and didn't seem to give a rat's @$$!! They weren’t mine but like h&ll I was going to let this chance drop. As the performance started, I noticed that M seemed to be feeling a little nervous and he looked over at his mom and I. He looked me dead in the eye as I smiled at him, and that seemed to settle him down.
I never forgot that.
I can remember when my ex's daughter, T, returned from vacation in Jamaica and ran down the gangway and jumped into my arms before anyone else.
I never forgot that either.
I can also remember when F, the youngest was upset about his older brother and sister staying with family one night and he sat on my lap as my ex drove us home, falling asleep.
No way I can forget that.
It dawned on me that these young people actually looked up to me in a way similar to my father. Yes their dad was there and in the picture, but he was there only once every two weeks, I was pretty much the starter day in and day out. No I’m not perfect, but I really did get a sense of how important fathers where to young kids and there where many times I got scared that I would eff things up for these youngsters. That’s the thing; danger was all around as far as young children growing up went.
See, my ex was a product of a single mother (surprise, surprise) and I was well aware of how that sort of action can set a very negative precedent in terms of children. In fact, the day I had met my ex’s family it was a dinner party with her mother, her step dad, her older sister, and two of her childhood friends. I sat there at the table and took stock of what I saw; my ex; single mom, 3 kids. Her sister, single mom, 4 kids BUT engaged to the father. One family friend; single mom, one kid, bf nowhere to be seen while the last family friend had no kids.
This living, breathing example of precedent wasn’t lost on me and it began to hit me that this pattern had to stop. All of these women had the exact same thing in common, FATHERLESSNESS and seeing at the time that I didn’t want to break up with my ex, that I knew I may be able to stop this pattern from repeating itself. Fatherlessness affects men and women differently; it creates thugs from young men and thug lovers from women. I didn’t want M, T, or F to end up with babies or in jail if I could do something about it.
See, my ex was a product of a single mother (surprise, surprise) and I was well aware of how that sort of action can set a very negative precedent in terms of children. In fact, the day I had met my ex’s family it was a dinner party with her mother, her step dad, her older sister, and two of her childhood friends. I sat there at the table and took stock of what I saw; my ex; single mom, 3 kids. Her sister, single mom, 4 kids BUT engaged to the father. One family friend; single mom, one kid, bf nowhere to be seen while the last family friend had no kids.
This living, breathing example of precedent wasn’t lost on me and it began to hit me that this pattern had to stop. All of these women had the exact same thing in common, FATHERLESSNESS and seeing at the time that I didn’t want to break up with my ex, that I knew I may be able to stop this pattern from repeating itself. Fatherlessness affects men and women differently; it creates thugs from young men and thug lovers from women. I didn’t want M, T, or F to end up with babies or in jail if I could do something about it.
A friend of ours with a bright future unfortunately ran afoul of the wrong sort of people one day. He was gunned down, while at work and died on the way to hospital. He had a football scholarship at Michigan State University and was the father of a 2-year-old boy. We went to the wake and it messed my ex up. She was beside herself because she could see her two boys lying there in that pine box and she didn't know what to do. I vowed to her that M and F would not end up like him so long as I was around. However, there was more to that situation. You see, it hit me one day that a if a man doesn't tell his young daughter that he cares about her, she'll fall for the first boy who does.
While it did bother me somewhat that I had such a large burden on my shoulders, at the same time I simply figured that by being the best example that I could it would increase the odds in our favor. My ex and I where happy, and I saw no reason at the time that we would split-up so what could go wrong?
Well, that's just it. We broke up about a year after that and I had only spoken to the eldest son once in a while since then. We went our separate ways after that with no contact whatsoever for several years. Sure, could I have stayed in contact with those kids, take it for what you want, but I was scarcely 25 years old at the time and the break up wasn’t the nicest. About 3 years ago, M suddenly befriended me on Face book and filled me in on the past several years. He's doing great, in college as a programmer and has a steady gf at the moment. I’m so proud of him for actually beating the odds. His young bro F is in high school, but I don't know too much about him. He doesn't want to talk to me and frankly, I don't blame him.
This is where I get upset.
M also updated me about T, his exact words where that 'She’s followed in Mom's footsteps'.
My heart sank; my ex had M when she was 16 years old!!
At this stage of the game, T is 17 years old and has a 2-year-old child, she’s no longer with the Dad but she is still going to school, which is something. My worst fear from years ago had been realized; my ex became a grandmother at the ripe old age of 37.
This is where I get upset.
M also updated me about T, his exact words where that 'She’s followed in Mom's footsteps'.
My heart sank; my ex had M when she was 16 years old!!
At this stage of the game, T is 17 years old and has a 2-year-old child, she’s no longer with the Dad but she is still going to school, which is something. My worst fear from years ago had been realized; my ex became a grandmother at the ripe old age of 37.
Sigh
I wish this story had a happy ending; I wish those kids end up doing okay for themselves in this life. I have my own family now, which is my responsibility, and I wouldn’t trade them for the world. My own step daughter is now 17 and is currently kid free (sad to think that this is something to strive for but trust me..) however I sometimes wonder what if? Had I stayed (and put up with some bullsh!t treatment) would that have affected the lives of those kids in a positive manner? Would T be a teenaged mother now? Would F have followed in his older brother's footsteps?
I wish this story had a happy ending; I wish those kids end up doing okay for themselves in this life. I have my own family now, which is my responsibility, and I wouldn’t trade them for the world. My own step daughter is now 17 and is currently kid free (sad to think that this is something to strive for but trust me..) however I sometimes wonder what if? Had I stayed (and put up with some bullsh!t treatment) would that have affected the lives of those kids in a positive manner? Would T be a teenaged mother now? Would F have followed in his older brother's footsteps?
We'll never know.
It seems that there was a void left in the lives of those kids after their mom and I split ways and when I ran into T a few years ago, she didn't even know why I had initially left. I left because her mother was cheating on me, but I can’t tell her that! I will never forget the expression on her face when I grabbed the last of my things and left for the last time, that hurt in ways I cannot describe, it still does all these years later.
Yet fathers are useless and mothers are everything. Men are rapists and predators who have to be supervised before they molest or abuse your children and mothers are angels who keep children safe from harm. If a child has a mother, that’s just as good as a mother and a father.
It seems that there was a void left in the lives of those kids after their mom and I split ways and when I ran into T a few years ago, she didn't even know why I had initially left. I left because her mother was cheating on me, but I can’t tell her that! I will never forget the expression on her face when I grabbed the last of my things and left for the last time, that hurt in ways I cannot describe, it still does all these years later.
Yet fathers are useless and mothers are everything. Men are rapists and predators who have to be supervised before they molest or abuse your children and mothers are angels who keep children safe from harm. If a child has a mother, that’s just as good as a mother and a father.
Let me say one thing that yes, I'm a very angry person. I'm p!ssed off by what Feminism is doing to society and I'm p!ssed off that my own race has been decimated by it's asinine teachings and erroneous conclusions. My ex followed her mother’s example and T followed my ex’s. What's going to happen to that young baby being raised by a child herself? What's going to happen to T as life goes on?
And all the while Feminists rationalize away factual evidence that children need their father's example and guidance. This isn't just some post on a freakin' page, we're talking about LIVES here!!! The destruction of the family has so many victims and so much collateral damage it's indescribable. Remember, kids don't ask to be born!!! I couldn’t step up for those kids, they weren’t mine and I had no say in the matter yet I now see how the denigration of fathers has affected one particular family negatively for three generations!!!
I'll be honest that sometimes I get a little out of hand when responding to certain comments on blogs. I'm reigning that sh!t back in as my ‘behavior’ is obviously not helping the MRA cause. However, I have no forgiveness for Feminism and what it's done and continues to do to society.
Omnipitron.
You've done a good job.
ReplyDeleteYou definately helped 1 of 3 step kids from your ex. Only your ex is responsible for messing up the other 2. Obvious with her record the oldest was helped by you.
Now your keeping your new stepkid(s) on the right path. You're proving fathers are needed.
If you blowup at some pinhead from time to time, it's no big deal. Some people can have sense beaten into them.
That parental alienation thing is pretty awful - the emotional abuse of children. While my kids don't see their father, it's not because I have poisoned them against him. I admit I haven't been perfect, but I've also tried over the years to encourage him to take an interest, to write to them, to get a webcam so they can chat, but he never comes through.
ReplyDeleteIt makes me so sad to think they might end up feeling that their dad doesn't care about them - I just wanted them to know that it's just because of the physical distance that he doesn't see them, not because he doesn't care, but whether he cares or not is irrelevant when his actions show he doesn't, which is what the kids see. I hoped it would turn out better than this, but so far the kids don't seem too bad (they're 8 and 5) and they like the bf I've had for the last 2 years (and he likes them) so I guess it could be worse. Plus my brother is around a good bit for them, and my dad, so they do have some positive male influences.
Anyway, this is a good post on the topic - it's hard to read those single mom stats, really. It throws me into a near panic over my girls - they're such nice kids and it would be tragic for them to end up single teen moms. :(
My man Legion;
ReplyDeleteThank you for the vote of confidence, I’m just doing the best I can with what I know how. It isn’t always clear sailing, not even close, but it could be worse. My wife has informed me that a friend that my stepdaughter was close with last year is due to be a mother in a few short months. She is the same age as my stepdaughter and that sh!t freaks me out!! I can tell you this much, as a legit father or mother you have so much more power than a step mom or dad does, your words and opinions carry so much more weight.
Nothing replaces a father; I don’t care what anyone says!!!
I really appreciate your sentiment Legion, it was due to this episode that I realized just how important a father actually is and just how imperative a father is to both males and females. You remember my words anytime any feminized bullsh!t ever crosses your mind. This story is simply an example of what happens when we forget the consequences of our actions. Fathers are important; this shouldn’t even be up for debate!!!
Thag Jones.
We only can do what we can and hope we hedge our bets at the end of the day. You seem to have a very good support system with your father, brother and bf and you genuinely care about men. This is a good thing to teach your daughters, as that aspect is one of the most important things a woman can offer a potential partner in the future. I remember a comment you made on Dalrock’s Blog where you reminded your bf about March 14. Most women (or men for that matter) don’t even know what that date is supposed to mean and here you are bringing it up!!! The value of caring about your spouse and their needs is priceless and actually does assist in the future.
To give you an idea of what sort of example my ex was a gambler. She gambled on our relationship and she gambled on her life. When my ex became a grandmother at the ripe old age of 37, she was serving a 2-year stint in an American Penitentiary for charges I still don’t know yet. Not the sort of thing one in their right mind wants to teach their young, right?
Good luck to us all J as we navigate through this minefield called Western society!!